What does empty nest syndrome feel like?

When children “fly the nest”, this can be a distressing time for parents having to say goodbye to their last child, leaving residual feelings for them of having “done their job”. This can bring a mixture of emotions; sadness, loss, and emptiness, as they come to terms with seeing their offspring take the next steps in their lives, without them. This was particularly true after the pandemic, during which time closer bonds with their children were formed during lockdown.

There may be guilt from a parent who doesn’t feel they fulfilled their role well, or been involved enough. The main carer may struggle with a loss of their role, after so much emotional and practical investment, or feel fearful about what their new purpose will be for the future, or uncertain about how the next phase of their own life will look.

This loss may feel similar to the stages of grieving, and working towards acceptance is a large part of the healing process. It should be acknowledged that this is a substantial life change, and it can take time to accept the changes. 

You may experience tears. That’s okay, change is scary, but it’s a natural part of the process, so give yourself permission.

Emotional waves of empty nest syndrome

I remember so clearly how I missed my son’s humour, our banter, the loud music coming from his room, his help with anything “techy”, and his companionship. The huge impact of my son leaving home was so unexpected, and temporarily de-railed me more than I could have imagined. It took about 2 months to finally stop crying, but this will vary for each unique relationship.

Eventually, when the tears dry up, there may be an awakening of hope and freedom, when you come to realise there is life outside of parenthood. You will now have extra time to do the things for yourself that you sacrificed for your children. Free weekends will mean more “you” time, and mealtimes will start to feel less stressful (and less costly!). There may now be more time and energy to renew friendships, find new challenges, or discover new things, such as travel, career opportunities or new hobbies. Try to stay positive, and build new routines. Keeping in touch with your child (don’t pester them too much) will help you stay connected, and you will eventually find ways to build an even stronger relationship with your child. 

After all, the job of being a great parent is to navigate your child through childhood to become self-reliant, autonomous adults. You are not redundant; they will still need your support through life.



Coping with empty nest syndrome

Support can be accessed from a partner, an understanding friend, family member, or by talking to a Counsellor. Talking through feelings of letting go can be helpful. Sometimes, when the dynamics in the household have changed, relationships may feel different, and you may even find that you and your partner are struggling. Couples counselling can really help to support you both through this changing time, and offer strategies for strengthening your relationship.